To Go, or Not To Go. That Is the Question

Oh, take-out containers, why do you mock me so? I hate having to stock them because I hate that they even exist because I hate wrapping up food to go. Every time someone asks me, "Can you just wrap this up for me?" I want to say to them, "No, can you just finish it?" Half the damn time I go to the trouble of wrapping up that one last bite of food, they leave it at the table anyway. I have to then throw it away, along with the Styrofoam container which is shitty for two reasons: It's bad for the environment and more importantly I just stocked that stupid thing for no fucking reason.

The next time you are in a restaurant and you are considering taking your leftovers home, I want you to think of me and how much I hate doing it. Ask yourself a few simple questions:

1. Will I really eat this last bite of scrambled egg tomorrow?
2. Wouldn't it just be better if I cleaned my plate?
3. What will these three french fries taste like when I try to reheat them in my microwave tomorrow night when I get the munchies?
4. Do I want to carry around a container for the rest of the day?
5. What if I put the last bit of tilapia into a bag and then it doesn't get refrigerated fast enough? Will I get food poisoning and if so, is it worth it?
6. Does my waiter want to do one more fucking thing for me even though I will probably only tip him 10%?
   
7. Will my waiter wash his hands before he picks up the remainder of my chicken club sandwich to lovingly place it inside a to-go box? (The answer to that one is no, by the way.)
8. If this food was so delicious, why don't I just finish it now?
9. If this food was too nasty to eat, then why the hell do I want to take it home with me?
10. I can't think of another question, but I really wanted there to be ten?

A few days ago, I had to wrap up a tiny amount of rice and salmon. It was about a tablespoon of food. When she asked me to wrap it up, I serioulsy thought she was joking with me. I looked at the practically empty plate waiting for her to say something stupid like "Can you tell I just hated it?" But she didn't. I took the plate and dumped into a container. When I took it back to the table, she said, "Oh, do you have anything smaller?" No bitch, I don't have a thimble or an Altoids tin to put your half bite of salmon in. I serioulsy have more food in my teeth right now than this lady had in her to-go container. Ridiculous. I wanted to just put the food on a spoon and do the old choo-choo train trick to get her to take one more bite. At least she remebered to take it home with her. I'm sure it made a wonderful buffet for her pet hamster or a nice addition to her compost pile.

Taking your food to go? Just say no.



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