One Drunk Ass Baby

Have you heard about the world's luckiest baby who was served a margarita without being carded or even having to ask for it? This baby has my dream life. At an Applebee's in Michigan, a baby was mistakenly served a margarita instead of the apple juice his mother had ordered for him. I guess after a few sips of the sweet nectar known as Tequila, the 15-month-old boy started acting strangely. Although it is not official, I feel certain that the baby started drunk texting and coming on to the 8-month old girl at the next booth. In addition, his words were slurred and he was drooling. The mother opened up his sippy cup and realized that her baby was on the road to an AA meeting and he didn't even have his driver's license yet. Of course she complained (as she should have) and the manager apologized (as he should have.) The mother had this pearl of wisdom to say: "Nobody at the table ordered alcoholic drinks, so he definitely shouldn't have received one." Brilliant, mom. Like if someone had ordered a margarita it might be a little bit more understandable why they poured a freakin' margarita into a sippy cup and then gave it to the person in the high chair? But since no one ordered anything from the bar, it was extra super wrong for this to happen.

They took the baby to the hospital where his blood alcohol level was .10 -- over the legal limit for an adult driver. Hopefully, they took away the keys to his Big Wheel because parents don't let babies drive drunk. The kid was fine despite the massive hangover he had the next morning. The baby was quoted as saying, "Why do I always think I can handle that last cocktail? Never again. I need a Big Mac to soak up some of this alcohol. Mom, can I get a Happy Meal?" The mother reminded him that the Happy Meal may or may not have a toy in it. The baby replied by puking and crawling into the kitchen to make a Bloody Mary. "A little hair of the dog, then," said the lushy toddler.

No word on what Applebee's has done to make sure this does not happen again. I suspect more training will come into play where they will potentially ask to see some identification from anyone who orders a drink, alcoholic or otherwise. I would also suggest that they offer this baby a lifetime supply of Rose's Lime juice, triple sec and house tequila since they are the ones who introduced the kid to the joys of cocktails. Or to appease his mom, next time they could just slide him and apple martini.

Thanks to everyone who sent this in.

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