Excuse Me, Waiter? There's a Condom in My Soup

Has anyone else read about the lawsuit where the guy sued the restaurant because he found a condom in his soup? I wrote once about a table that found a fishtail in their brownie bottom pie but I must admit I think a condom is way way worse. You can read the article here but I will synopsize it for you. A man was at a Claim Jumper restaurant in California eating some French Onion soup when he started chewing on what he thought was an extra chewy piece of cheese. He spit it out and his wife was all, "If I had a dollar for every time you spit a condom outta your mouth, I'd have eleven dollars." Again, I am paraphrasing so she may not have said exactly that. Yes, there was a pecker poncho in his soup and he chewed on it. And I thought I was a bitchy waiter. The suit has been settled but neither the restaurant or the poor man who chewed on a love glove claimed liability. Normally, I would say it's the customers fault, but in this case I don't think so. If the man wanted to score some free food I think he would have just used the old "roach in the salad" bit or "broken glass in my ice" routine. More than likely, it was some asshole cook who wanted to fuck with the waiter. And to that cook, I say "kudos." This man really outdid himself in the true bitcheryness department.

I have never heard of this Claim Jumper place, but by looking at their menu it looks like your typical TGIF's or 99 or Applebee's. The main difference is that their French Onion soup comes with a love glove. Now I loves me some French Onion soup and my favorite part is when you get to chew on that melty provolone cheese that has been toasted in the oven. The next time I have it, I will be forced to evaluate it with my eagle eyes to ensure that no one is slipping me a gentleman’s jerkins up in there. And what about the waiter? What can you say when something like that happens? You're supposed to deny it?

Customer: There was a fucking condom in my soup.
Waiter: Sir, I am certain the soup did not have a condom in it because we have only have the utmost intentions to make your meal a high quality experience.
Customer: Well, here it is. Hangin' outta my mouth. How do you think it got there?
Waiter: Perhaps it is left over from last night, sir? I am not certain of your lifestyle and I don't want to judge you.
Customer: Are you saying that I put this in my mouth last night and I've had it there all day without noticing it?
Waiter: Again sir, I don't want to judge you. That's God's job, not mine.
Customer: Excuse me, but the soup came out with a fucking condom in it!
Waiter: That's impossible sir. Maybe it belongs to your wife. Ma'am, is it possible that this is your condom?
Wife: (long uncomfortable pause) What brand is it?


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