The Great White Bitchy Waiter

As I have mentioned before, I am not waiting tables right now but that certainly does not mean I can't find things to bitch about. As The Bitchy Waiter, I allow my bitchiness to spill into other areas of my life regardless of how many shifts I have that particular week. When I am a customer, I am The Bitchy Waiter and when I am pissed off about the 7 train I am The Bitchy Waiter. I bitch, therefore I am. Aristotle said that once when he picked up his toga from the dry cleaner and the wine stain was still there. I try to live my life like Aristotle because he was Greek or Roman or some shit and he invented algebra. I think. Or maybe that was Pythagoras. Maybe Aristotle was the one who diddled little boys. Whatever. The point is I like to bitch. (This is your cue, Anonymous, to comment that I need to get a real job and quit complaining.)

I was at the beach a few days ago because someone thought it was a good idea to put me in a play that was performing in a beach town in Delaware and all I have to do is sing and dance a few hours every night. It gives me my days free to do important stuff like read the Internet, blog, and sit on a towel whilst watching the crashing waves. I was meandering down the coastline being quite happy and thankful when I saw a couple of kids playing in the surf. They were having such a good time. A brother and sister I suppose. As they ran from the waves they were laughing and screaming and I imagined what they would be like if they were in my station. I pictured the mess they would leave and the attention they would need and they brought me down a peg on my contentment level. I stood there and watched them for a minute. I thought about how many times I am perfectly fine at work until a kid comes into my station and ruins my day and it made me angry. These kids were entirely too happy and I decided that they too needed to be brought down a peg. I walked towards them as they ran from the waves. When I got within earshot of them I said, "Did you hear about the great white shark?" They froze and their eyes widened but they didn't say anything. "I saw it a few minutes ago. Just be careful, alright kids? Sharks are scary." My work there was done. I continued my walk a few yards and turned around to look at the tiny tots. They were standing right where I left them and just staring out at the water but not in the water. I gave them a raised eyebrow and a smile and went my merry way. I felt better.

Kids. I hate 'em.

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