Superstar in My Station

So I waited on someone famous the other day. Not like superstar paparazzi lovin' mega Hollywood star kinda famous, but a notable Broadway performer. He was in a Pulitzer Prize winning musical a few years ago. I think he has some Tony nominations and shit and I even have some of his recordings. I have always really liked the guy. So I waited on him. And didn't even freakin' realize it was him until he handed me his credit card at the end of the night and I saw his name. He was with two other people, right? And the club has a two drink minimum per person, right? Well, this guy was singing in the show so he didn't have to have the minimum but the other two did. But they didn't. They wanted water which does not count towards the minimum because it's free, you know? At the end of the night I put all the minimum charges on their bill and gave it to them. Well, Mr. Broadway wouldn't have that. He said that since he was in the show that night, his friends shouldn't have to pay the minimum either. Uh, okay? So we took it off the bill. Why is it the people who can afford shit always get it for free? It happens all the time in restaurants. Some big shot famous person will come in and order a bunch of crap and then the manager will comp it all so big shot famous person will come back in sometime. Hello? They're rich. They can afford it.

Think of the Oscars. Don't all those presenters get bags and bags of free shit? Watches, computers, iPods, soaps, jewelry, condoms, puppies... They get free shit even though they could walk their ass to Wal-Mart and pay for it themselves with their Platinum American Express. Or at least pout it on lay-away. It's not fair.

Anyhoo, this guy was famous. And you know what? He was nice. He said please and thank you and left me a good tip (after I took off half his bill). I was just happy he wasn't like so many famous people who piss on their servers and wait for us to kiss their ass. He showed me that (moderately successful Broadway) famous actors (who pop up on Law and Order or a movie once in a while) can be cool. Life is good. God bless us. Everyone.


Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter blog.
Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.

Am I Famous Yet?

Since I am currently a full-time actor (for one more day) and I was recognized the other day while buying ice cream on Main Street, I thought I would rehash an old post about celebrities. You know, since one sixteen year old girl asked me if I was in "that play" I am a total celeb (in my delusional mind).

I hate waiting on celebrities. I haven't had to do it very often because famous people don't usually come into the places that I sling hash. Generally, they like to go to places that are not chains, franchises and/or crappy and I usually work at places that are chains, franchises and/or crappy. If a famous person comes into a place I work, then I instantly question their judgement and credibility. Once when I worked in Times Square at the Houlihan's a soap opera actor came into my station. It was the old guy who played Palmer Cortlandt on All My Children. I think he's still on it. Anyhoo, he sat in my station with this really hot Latin guy who was about 100 years his junior. Palmer looked like he just came off the set of the soap because he was wearing a freaking ascot around his neck. The young guy was all flirty with him and and then Palmer paid for their lunch on his credit card. I ain't judging or anything, but can you say "sugar daddy"? He was really nice though and it was exciting to see someone from one of my stories. Several months ago Ivanka Trump came into VYNL where I was working at the time. Obviously, she was slumming or she wanted to see how poor people live because she came in to have an $8.99 omelet. I didn't wait on her. My friend did though and said she was alright, but only left a 15% tip. C'mon! Bitch, we know you have hundred dollars bills flying out of your ass and you're only going to leave four bucks? Bump it up to 20% and share the wealth.

Another person I know said she served the Grandma from Everybody Loves Raymond once. She seems like such a sweet old lady. Doris Roberts her name is. Apparently though, she's a dried out vagina lip. This colleague told me she ordered a two-minute egg. And sent it back five times. Five times. After the first time, don't you think the chef (fry cook) would actually time it to make sure it was really two minutes? And then a third time? And fourth time? And a fifth? Get real, lady. You ain't the Queen of England. Maybe the egg just didn't taste right to her because her taste buds arenow fossils. Or maybe she secretly hated eggs because her last ovary fell out of her cooch back in the Roaring 20's. Whatever the reason, it's no excuse.

If I ever see a celebrity in my station, I don't want 'em. I have ignored Connie Chung and I will ignore any other famous person too. Famous people are just people who lucked out. If they sit in my station I will treat them just like the stroller mom or the old homeless lady who pays with coins: like crap.

Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter blog.
Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.