A Comment on Comments

Last year I wrote a blog post regarding Cracker Barrel. It was a positive , upbeat, praise-my-waitress kind of post so who in the world would take issue with it? I'll tell you who: my arch nemesis (other than Reichen), Anonymous. Observe:

first off, you're an idiot. i work at Cracker Barrel and the stars DO NOT signify how many years you've been employed and you are a LIAR because you have NEVER seen 7 stars ANYWHERE. The highest you can achieve is FOUR!!! and that is based on your level of numbers you produce per hour for the store you work in!!! Don't talk about stuff you don't know about.

Ouch, Anonymous, why so harsh? i must commend Anonymous on her spelling and punctuation while her use of capitals needs some polishing. i stand corrected. The stars DO NOT represent the number of years the waitress has worked there!!! i guess i did not actually see a waitress with seven stars then. Maybe i dreamed it in the most perfect dream ever where i was sitting on a pile of biscuits next to a maple syrup waterfall while a waitress made of bacon fed me cheesy hash browns with a fork made of BUTTER!!! Thank you for the clarification, Anonymous, but here's my beef. Why the hell are you so upset about it? Chill the hell out, lady. i understand the level of pride you must have for the Barrel of Cracker for i too would be bursting at the seams with pride if i got to wear one of those brown polyester apron with the yellow embroidered STARS!!! i truly am a liar, liar pants on fire, hang it on a wire, liar asshole face. i totally deserve the scolding from you. How dare i misrepresent what the STARS mean at CRACKER BARREL!! i will no longer talk about stuff i don't know, i promise. (That is another lie, by the way).

Good luck, Anonymous and thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to clarify the whole star ISSUE. Many a sleepless night has passed with me in bed pondering if the blog post i wrote over a year ago was accurate or not. i sure do appreciate YOUR comment. Thank you. i mean, THANK YOU!!!



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A Comment on Comments

I can't let this comment go by without responding to it. I tried to ignore it, but I just can't do it.

Stevie said...

Ok so i watched the segiment on Dr. Phil and i think that you are ridiculous and the whole "brat ban" bullshit is stupid. You are only a waiter what the hell have you done with your pathetic life to make you think that you are someone to tell parents to take their children anywhere you are a waiter that is all so you need to learn your place in society you serve people for a living the children you are setting here trying to ban from your place of business are the same kids that you will be serving later on when they are older because you probably wont go out and try to find a real job yea being a waiter is work I've been there kids have never bothered me. But once you pass the age of 21 get a real job. The audacity of a waiter to tell parents such as myself, to take our kids somewhere else is crap. You don't know the struggles that I've have gone thru with my sons health when he was first born. My son deserves to eat anywhere with me, regardless if a "bitchy" waiter likes it or not my goodness your only a waiter know your place in society and that is serving me and my son when ever we choose to go to your establishment.

That is how i feel I have worked to get to my status in society Im probably half your age and i resent that i have worked so hard to get where i am at to have a "waiter" tell me anything. People setting here on this site saying your so cool "bitchy" your so true bitchy blah blah blah need to quit sitting around the t.v. and get themselves a life aswell we all know that you run home from your ball busting jobs that leave you with little reward, tired and wore-out well maybe if you did something with your life earlier on your have a job that you enjoy you wouldn't be so stressed when you go out to eat. You know what you are trying to keep my child out of eating in public well i guess we can try and keep all of you cry-baby ass adults outta public. It would be easier to tell yall to leave than it would to try to make children do what they don't wanna. So u know what why don't yall stay home because i am taking my son out and if yall don't like they way he acts come see me and see if yall like the way i tell yall to grow up and act your age not your status my goodness hes a waiter and yall are flocking to him like hes some kind of a saint get over it HES A DAMN WAITER. Thats it nothing more sure he makes this snazzy web page about his bitches his moans his complaints and yall set here and feed into them like yall are social parasites. Get a real life.

Dear Stevie:

Fuck you and your crotch dropping. Learn to spell. Learn punctuation. Periods are your friend; use them. I will get a "real" job when you get a real name. Stevie? Who in the hell over the age of twelve goes by the name of Stevie?

love,
BW

A Comment on Comments

Every now and again, I get a comment that is just begging to be responded to. Since my appearance on Dr. Phil, the comments have gone through the roof and I had plenty of winners to choose from. For the most part, the people who bothered to come to the blog were overwhelmingly in my corner. I got some great comments about my hair and I am seriously considering giving it its own blog. Thank you to everyone who appreciated what I had to say. However, there were a few people who had some negative things to say and it is to them that this blog post is directed to.

Anonymous said...

I don't appreciate your comment about food allergies. I am severely allergic to several things. The way I see it, I pay your salary. If I don't come eat and no one else does the restaurant closes, you lose your job. If I ask for certain things to be left out of my dish I expect them to. You are just a waiter shut up and do your job.

Hey anonymous, shut the fuck up, you allergy-ridden filthy whore. Take another does of Valtrex and move on. I was referring to people who say they are allergic to something when in actuality they just don't like it. Big difference. I understand your confusion; sometimes syphilis does irreversible damage to the brain. You're excused.

And then there is this long-winded comment which I edited to take away some of the bat-shit-crazy but I left their misspellings, run-on sentences and bad grammar because it shows what kind of person wrote it: a dumb one.

Anonymous said...

I strongly believe you have some serious issues with society and you should see someone that will help you deal. Children are the future you may have issues with them we all do from time to time but telling a child or his parent that he or she has to leave a restarauntan> is obseen. No one has the right to tell someone they are not allowed to eat in a casual restarant or fine dinning establishment, if they are a paying customer they have a right to be there. I believe it is people like you that are the problem today if you cant deal with a situation you take it to a extreme instead of figuring it out for yourself. Part of your job is dealing with children whether they irritate you or not. I understand people have said this before but if you dont like the job or soceity for that matter you should take the little possessions you have a move to a city that has a small population. Do you honestly believe to have the right to be any different? If the issue in question was a big deal to anyone besides the server would the owner of the establishment not band children himself or herself? they dont do you know why? Ill tell you its because the owner would rather get the money from the customer (which is why he is in business) they appesease you a lowly paid waiter. In society you have no contribution easily replacable an no proper business owner would put you before a ten dollar childrens meal which also brings us to why you have to voice your concerns to the general public instead of starting your own restarant and solving you problems that way. As far as im concerned you are a coward pure bully picking on little kids to make your life seem more managable while you waste everyones time with this nonsense instead of dealing with the real problem which is you. Anti-depressants may help you if you believe your life is garbage picking on little children however cannot. I would have liked to have been at that show to voice my concerns and meet someone so ignorant face to face. It astounds me that you believe anyone should put a bitchy low end waiter before a child that may one day contribute ten times as much to the world then you do. It would make me very pleased to see a father put you in your place because if you were to tell me my child is being to loud, or I need to shut my kid up that would be the end of your career and probably mine but would be well worth it. Get a life!

Okay, where to start? I had to read it about ten times to even get what the fuck this crazy bag of nuts was trying to say. I love how she calls me ignorant but she can't manage to string a complete sentence together and has no use for punctuation. Yeah, I'm the ignorant one, uh huh. And she thinks I am the problem? No, it's the parents who are the problem if they think it's okay to let children rule the roost in a restaurant. (That's how it's spelled, by the way.) Maybe one of the children I serve will contribute ten times as much to the world as I do, but they better get crackin' because this blog isn't all I do. I have a life and waiting tables isn't it. It's just what I do 24 hours a week. The other 144 hours per week is where most of my my life happens. The only way anti-depressants are going to make my life any better is if I am allowed to drop them into the glasses of juice I serve to bratty kids so they can fall asleep while they are in my station. Thanks for the comment, lady. I'm sorry you are so angry and I'm also sorry that you can't appreciate the joys of processed chicken.

Thank you to everyone who commented on the blog or Facebook. This week was wild ride and I really enjoyed it. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

love,
BW

A Comment on Comments

Someone done crawled up in my asshole and pissed me off and now I get to write my favorite kind of posting of all, a comment on comments. In response to this post about the man who didn't sign his credit card and ended up stiffing me on a $75 check, a couple of anonymous windbags chimed in to fart out their thoughts on the situation:



Anonymous #1 said...

Wow you got you're panties in a bunch over that?? No wonder you don't get tipped as often as you should. Customers can see fake kindness like a dog smells fear. Maybe change your attitude and you'll increase your tax bracket.

Anonymous #2 said...

I agree with anonymous. This is the life of a server/waiter. If you don't like it, go to school and get a real job. I worked for $12/hr at a call center while going to school to get my masters degree. If you don't like your job or if one person gets to you this badly then it ruins the service to everyone else. Maybe check your tampon. Is it in sideways or something?

Okay, Anonymous #1, I do get my panties in a bunch when someone either intentionally or unintentionally forgets to sign their credit card slip and therefore leaves me no tip. I did not serve this guy $75 worth of food and drinks just because it gave my life purpose. I did it because I expected there to be a tip. That tip goes into my pocket and then it is used to pay for frivolous things like food, electricity bills and mortgage payments. And I don't know where you came up with the idea that I don't get tipped as often as I should. Do I work with you? Are you the IRS? Do you have a copy of my tip log? Yeah, I didn't think so. And when did I say I gave him fake kindness? Contrary to the name of this blog, I am very rarely flat out bitchy to my customers because all that does is put less money in my pocket. I guarantee almost every server you ever had was giving you "fake kindness" because that is the name of the game. That waitress you had in Disney World that time who you thought was so sweet and kind and was so good with your kids? Fake. She wanted a tip, dumb ass. I treated this guy just like everyone else and he is the one who expected different treatment by refusing to wait his turn and come directly to my sidestand in an attempt to pay his check before everyone else. And then he didn't sign his card or tip me. So yes, my Sexy Little Things® Lace-trim Cheeky Panty was all bunched up. And I am still not sure that dogs smell fear. Myth or reality? Let me know.

And Anonymous #2, how many times do I have to tell you this: waiting tables is a real job. If it wasn't, I wouldn't get a paycheck and have to file income taxes. I go someplace for a designated period of time, punch a time clock, do an activity that I was hired to do and then I am paid for it. Yep, sounds like a real job to me. And I did go to school, it just wasn't for waiting tables. I have a degree from a real honest to goodness college that I went to while working full-time. And I actually work with two people who have the all-important masters degree you speak of who choose to wait tables because the money is better. Congratulations on your masters degree and surviving on the $12 an hour job. Let me shit out a parade for you because that is truly inspirational. And I bet since you have your masters degree, nothing at your job ever gets you even the slightest bit irritated, because once you have a masters degree every thing comes to you on silver platters after sliding down a rainbow. When you show up for work does a confetti cannon announce your arrival? Is every second of your day filled with joy and satisfaction? Because that's what a masters degree does for people, right? And I do not have a tampon in sideways or any other way. Just because I wear a Sexy Little Things® Lace-trim Cheeky Panty does not mean I have a vagina. I wear panties because they make me feel pretty.

I wait tables for a variety of reasons. It's easy. The money is good. It allows me the flexibility to do other things in my life. I don't want a job that I am at for fifty hours a week and I can't take an extra day off when I want. If I get a call to work on a movie or I audition for something that is going to take me out of town for four weeks, I just get my shifts covered and do it. That is one of the benefits of waiting tables. It pays my bills so I can focus on the things in my life that make me happy. Twenty-four hours a week pays my bills and leaves me plenty of time to enjoy my life. When I die, my last thought won't be be "I should have spent more time at work." It will be one of two things: "Thank God I found time in my life to be happy" or "Do I have time for one more grapefruit martini?" I have a feeling that there are lots of people with maters degrees who spent 70 hours a week at work and when they died, they wished they had lived their life differently. And as always, if you don't like what I write, don't read it. You can always go here if you want something that is mindless and non-thought-provoking.

Love,

The Bitchy Waiter

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A Comment on Comments

Oh goody, a comment on comments! These are the posts where I can switch to automatic-pilot and let my brain flow freely to my two fingertips as I hunt and peck on the keyboard and say whatever I want. A wise old soul commented on Beware of Possible Robot Children. Of course their comment had nothing to do with what the post was about, but I would expect nothing less from a random Internet commenter who continues to regularly read my blog despite making it very clear they do not like it or me.

Tagtag writes:

your a credit to society sir, and an hiv peddling scrunt. I select you to be the new caboose of the human centipede. most of all, just hope your life really is as painful and sad as you make it seem. cut the shit. where do you go from here ? your not getting younger. cant wait tables forever. that acting career panning out? didnt think so. just saying. maybe spend a little less time writing and a little more time figuring out what a washed up old hag like your good self can do in his autumn years. just lookin out breh... scroodly noodles ;:))

Okay, first off, there is "your" and "you're." They mean two completely different things. If you plan to insult me, I would always recommend that the very first word of the insult be spelled correctly. Otherwise, it makes your comment seem pointless and it will make people think that you're not very bright. You made the mistake twice in your comment. Just saying. Also, punctuation and capitalization have a purpose. Learn it.

Next up, I applaud the use of the word scrunt. I have never heard of that word and I really really like it. I will use it as my own from now on so I will always thank you for that, tagtag. However, I am not peddling HIV. It's impossible to sell something that one does not have, so my sales permit for peddling HIV was denied. Not that I know anyone who is on the market for HIV anyway. That would be a very poor choice of something to peddle. I do not recommend it. On the bright side, I heard that your license for peddling the herp was recently approved so good luck with that! You will be great at it, I am sure. I know you can do it.

Thirdly, I get to be the new caboose of the human centipede? Thank you so much. Can you please connect me to the previous caboose of the human centipede so I can get some pointers? I certainly do not want to disappoint and I am sure they would be very helpful in explaining my new role in life. (You're the previous caboose, aren't you?)

Also, you hope my life is as painful and sad as I make it seem? Sorry to disappoint you, dear, but it's not. I'm actually a pretty happy person. I have it good. I only work about 25 hours a week and have a lot of free time. I travel, live, laugh and enjoy my days. Sorry, can't help you with that one.

In addition, thank you for your brilliant perspective on aging. I was under the mistaken impression that I was getting younger, but now I know that I am getting older. Revelation! Newsflash: we are all getting older. I'm good with aging. The older I get, the less I worry about what others think about me and the more I focus on making my life and the lives of the people around me happy. You're not around me, so I really don't give a shit about you. As for the acting career not panning out, well it's kind of my choice. If I only audition once every three or four months I can't really expect to work all the time, can I? I only audition for things I want to do. If I audition for a national tour that would take me away from home for nine months, I don't want to do it. I like my life the way it is. Trust me, I'm good with it. Maybe I will wait tables forever, who knows? But if I can have a job that pays my bills by only working 25 hours a week, I think that's pretty good. I know a lot of people who would love to chop off 15 hours of their work week. I don't want a job that I have to think about when I'm not there, so this actually works out pretty well for me. As for my autumn years approaching, you're wrong there too. I have not been approached by AARP yet so I am definitely still in my summer years; maybe even late spring. Don't you worry your pretty little head about this "washed up old hag."

Finally, why are you here? If you don't like this blog, there is an easy solution for that: don't come to it. You don't like me? Thankfully, you don't know me so again you have the capability to live your every day life without any input from me. Maybe you used to know me or I pissed you off once or something, I dunno. My recommendation to you is to delete this page from your bookmarks and go on living your life sans The Bitchy Waiter. It might make both of our lives better. And again, good luck peddling the herpes. I am sure you will do a superb job. Email me if you need help with your craigslist ad. I know writing is not your strong point.

scroodly noodles,
The Bitchy Waiter

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A Comment on Comments

And now for a brief comment on comments. In regards to this post about a man who was freezing his nuts off, Anonymous said:

You are a tool that likes the sound of his own voice. grow up!

Dear Anonymous,

I think what you meant to say was,"you are a tool WHO likes the sound of his own voice." And this is the written word. So my voice is not actually heard. Tool.

Love,
The Bitchy Waiter

A Comment on Comments

Time for a comment on comments, but unlike most of the time, I am not going to bash what some anonymous reader had to say. Instead, I will agree with them. In regards to this post about leaving an errant drink on someone else's check so I would not have to pay for it or admit my fuck up to my manager, I was blasted for my poor decision. And rightfully so.

Anonymous said: Clean up your act and don't commit a crime just to avoid embarrassment.
Shame on you! Putting false charges on a bill is a crime!

Another Anonymous said: Seriously, I've been waiting tables for years, and I would never do that, not even if it's a douche who deserves it. You agree that it was unethical and wrong, but did it anyway.

Only Hostess said: You can't expect guests to provide respect if you act in a disrespect-able fashion.

Historically Crazy said: There were better ways to solve the problem, and lying is almost never the solution.

Disappointed said: You dishonored yourself terribly with your behavior last night. Throughout our lives we may gain and lose possessions, friends and loved ones but the thing we carry with us to the end is our character. It's the one thing no one can ever take from us. It saddens me to see someone throw theirs away.

In my moment of ethical dilemma, I took the easy road. I justified it by thinking about how many times I have had to cover the cost of a customer's mistake; like the time someone left thirty dollars instead of forty or when they took the credit card voucher with them and I didn't get a tip. It was easy justification, but it didn't make it right. I was wrong. The post will remain since I have never removed anything once I put it out there. I realize I lost a lot of respect with that post and I can accept that. My apologies and hopefully I can earn your respect again. I will take the advice of Adam who said:

Just think about the universe as a whole and repay your Irish Coffee debt in some unexpected way.

I will keep an eye out for that man and if he comes in again, I will make sure that something is removed from his check and I will pay for it myself. In the meantime, rest assured I will be on my best behavior and when I see an opportunity to pay back the universe, I will do it. This is me eating crow:

A Comment on Comments

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A Comment on Comments

Forgive me if this post is not about waiting tables, but I must respond to a comment left on this post about Chick-Fil-A. The post was basically about Chick-Fil-A supporting a pro-marriage group that is strictly for heterosexual couples. I understand that they have the right to support whatever they please. My issue is with the dumb ass comment that Anonymous wrote:

Anoymous said... Ithink I'll go there tomorrow & eat.I will be more than happy to go a support a company that stand up for family morals. GOD BLESS THEM!

(I left the poor grammar and lack of space bar intervention to illustrate their point fully.)

Okay. If you are going to go eat at Chick-Fil-A, then by all means do it. But do it because you love their fried chicken patties. Do it because you think their soft serve ice cream tastes like it was squeezed from the teet of an angel. Or do it because their waffle fries make your panties wet. But don't just do it because they "stand up for family morals." Seeing that the original post was about gay marriage, I get the impression, Anonymous, that you think family morals can only happen in a family with a man, woman, 2.5 kids and dog named Rover. Wake up and smell the regular coffee that I told you was decaf because I didn't want to make a whole 'nother pot. For your information, lots of non-traditional families have plenty of family morals. A kid with two dads does not grow up to be a social degenerate any more than a kid who has a mother and a father. I am so fucking sick of stupid ass bitches, cunts and assholes coming down on same sex marriage and my patience is running thin. Here in New York state, it is only a matter of time before gay marriage is legal. Governor Andrew Cuomo has made it a priority. That's right, within a year you may have to hear about two men getting married. That will disgust you more than hearing about a man who left his wife and kids after 15 years of marriage since they are straight and must have the monopoly on family morals. If marriage is so fucking important, I think Anonymous should start a campaign to make it illegal for anyone to get divorced. That way, we can be certain that family morals will be held intact by those who know it best: heterosexual couples. The decline in family morals has nothing to do with gay rights, you know that right? Heterosexual couples have been fucking that shit up for decades. The gays haven't had a chance yet.

Yes, I have been with the same man for twenty goddamn years. In fact, I don't know anyone my age who has been with their husband or wife for longer than that. (Strike that. Shout out to David and Eden!) Believe it or not, we consider ourselves a family. Our little family of three (we have a dog) is just as important as someone who happened to marry someone of the opposite sex and push out some children.

I need to breathe.

Okay, my point is that family morals don't come from one place. They can come from Chick-Fil-A but they can also come from a tiny gay owned business like the The Big Gay Ice Cream Truck. Family morals do not only reside in Christian homes in the the United States. So sure, ask God to bless Chick-Fil-A, but I read the Bible plenty and I am pretty sure that it says that God loves a lot of people. To quote Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol, "God bless us, everyone!" And to that, I add this: fuck you, bitch.

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A Comment on Commenst

I know it was just a few days ago that I did a Comment on Comments, but I couldn't let this one pass by. In response to Good Times, Good Times, someone burped out some true wisdom that I must respond to.

Jeff said: Lame. Don't quit you're day job!

Dear, sweet, addle-brained, Jeff. How can a comment with only six words have so many things wrong with it? You have a real talent for making sharp and concise observations, don't you? First off, I beg to differ that Good Times, Good Times was "lame" as you so eloquently put it. The post was supposed to be an homage to the classic television sitcom Good Times which was a top show on CBS from February 8, 1974, until August 1, 1979. No, they did not really come into my restaurant. The chance of that happening is as unlikely as you ever understanding the difference between "your" and "you're." And for the record, you might want to brush up on "too," "to" and "two" as well as "there," "their" and "they're" since I bet you get those mixed up as well. I understand, though. Grammar's hard, huh? I know it is, because I write every day and sometimes I make mistakes too. However, I write about 3,500 words a week and maybe a mistake slips by every now and then. If I only had to piece together six word to insult someone though, I would try really hard to make sure I spelled everything correctly. But, that's just me.

In addition, I will not be quitting my day job since this whole blog is about my day job. It's not called the The Bitchy Unemployed now is it? If I quit my day job, what would I write about? So never you worry your empty little head about me quitting my day job. You should spend some time worrying about other things like spelling and grammar, alright? Thanks so much for reading. It makes me happy that someone like you takes the time to give me such a wonderful critique. My blog will only become better thanks to comments like yours. The next time I post something, I will think to myself, "What would Jeff think? Is this lame?"


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A Comment on Comments

I have not felt the need to write a "Comment on Comments" post in a while because in my old age, I have learned to accept that people have differing opinions and it's what makes our world such a wonderful place to live in. However, that being said, someone wrote something that I could not let pass by. I wrote a post called Neat vs. Straight Up way back in October of 2009. Someone who is way tardy for the party wrote this comment the other day, edited because she might be a bag full of hot air and belchy smells:

Kelly said: Ahhh, you've got to love people in the "service" industry who act like life would be great if it weren't for all these f*&king customers. You wait tables or bartend for a living. Most people don't drink for a living and therefore might not get their orders perfect. When customers act like a$$holes, then I agree they deserve a good trashing. No one deserves to be disrespected.

It would be great if servers, yes servers, would find a decent way to help people make corrections without making them feel like jerks.

How about:
Customer: I'll take a Maker's Mark up
Waiter: (Kindly) In our bar, up means chilled. Would you rather have that neat, which would be room temperature?
Customer: Yes, that would be great. Thanks!

Your method of bringing me what I didn't really want and getting into a pissing match about it means I'm going to a different bar next time.

Okay, so I already explained that the customer was the one trying to make me feel like an idiot. He was rude, condescending and I didn't like his outfit. I didn't disrespect him. I corrected him which is the right thing to do or he will spend his entire life ordering his Maker's Mark the wrong way and thinking that every waiter he ever has is stupid. He ordered his Maker's Mark "up" so that is what I brought him. It's rare that someone would want that liquor up, but some people like it on the rocks so how am I to know? A Manhattan is made with Maker's Mark and it comes up and in a martini glass, so it wasn't like the most unusual request I have ever had. I don't judge (okay, I totally judge) when someone orders White Zinfandel with ice or an Irish coffee without any liquor, so if he wanted his Maker's up, so be it. And thank you, Kelly, for your suggestion of how it should be played out the next time this situation arises. Your little script will be very helpful. Rest assured that I printed it out in fancy font, shrunk it down, had it laminated and it is now in my wallet for the next time I don't know what to say to a customer. Can you do me a favor? Can you please write out some other scenarios for potentially awkward situations? I would like laminated directions for these moments:

• when someone asks me to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for their two year old when it is not on the menu.
• when someone wants to know why we have Pepsi and not Coca-Cola.
• what do I say when a customer wants to know why their well-done burger is still not ready three minutes after they ordered it?
• how do I respond to the customer who wants me to turn the music to another channel because they don't like that song?
• or what about when a customer asks me to turn the music off because her baby is taking a nap?

Thanks, Kelly. I can't wait to have these good-to-go scripts ready for my next confusing moment. Your help is invaluable. And also, your comment "most people don't drink for a living" is the saddest thing I have ever heard. You just brought down my entire day.


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