Homosexual Hounds

Vacation is going swimmingly well. While I am at the pool, why don't you read about some gay dog in Australia.

xo,
The Bitchy Waiter


I was perusing the internet news the other day trying to find something to pique my interest when I came across a news item that happened at a restaurant down under. In Australia. I don't know what those people are sprinkling on their Vegemite sandwiches, but they might be a bit crazy. But then again all my knowledge about Australia comes from Crocodile Dundee and Men at Work so what do I know?

Apparently, this blind man wanted to go eat at a Thai restaurant so he asked a waiter if it would be alright if he came in with his guide dog. (There was a sign saying guide dogs were welcomed, but maybe someone missed the memo that said blind people don't read signs. It's like those signs on the subway that ask if you want to learn how to read and speak English, but the sign is in English so anyone who may benefit from the sign can't fucking read the sign. Vicious vicious circle. Anyhoo.) So the waiter went to ask the owners if it was alright for the dog to come in but he didn't hear the word "guide" dog. The stupid ass waiter heard "gay" dog. Uh huh. And then the owners said no the dog couldn't come in because it was gay. Okay, all together now: what the fuckity fuck fuck? This is wrong on so many levels. Even if this was an actual homosexual canine who liked to get it on with members of the same sex, why would that be the reason the dog couldn't come in? They were going to persecute this dog because they thought it was gay? How stupid was the waiter to see a blind man and not know that it was a guide dog? Now if Elton John had sashayed into the restaurant wearing a frilly frock while holding a dildo and a big pink poodle, sure: gay dog. But a blind man with sunglasses, a cane and a dog with a handle on it? Gay dog? No, dumb ass. Guide dog.

The man left the restaurant and then presumably filed a complaint and blah blah blah. But when the owners were explaining the situation to the court, they said if they would have known it was a guide dog, it would have been fine. They just thought the dog was gay and that was why it wasn't welcome. I don't know these restaurant owners, but I pretty much hate them. They seem small minded, ignorant, rude and clueless. Basically, your typical restaurant owner/manager. They had to issue the blind dude an apology and pay him $1400 in compensation. And in Australia, $1400 buys a lot of Vegemite.

And in case you are wondering, Vegemite is is "a dark brown Australian food paste made from yeast extract. It is a spread for sandwiches, toast, crumpets and cracker biscuits and and filling for pastries." Thanks Wikipedia.

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Gay Dogs Not Welcome Down Under

I was perusing the internet news the other day trying to find something to pique my interest when I came across a news item that happened at a restaurant down under. In Australia. I don't know what those people are sprinkling on their Vegemite sandwiches, but they might be a bit crazy. But then again all my knowledge about Australia comes from Crocodile Dundee and Men at Work so what do I know?

Apparently, this blind man wanted to go eat at a Thai restaurant so he asked a waiter if it would be alright if he came in with his guide dog. (There was a sign saying guide dogs were welcomed, but maybe someone missed the memo that said blind people don't read signs. It's like those signs on the subway that ask if you want to learn how to read and speak English, but the sign is in English so anyone who may benefit from the sign can't fucking read the sign. Vicious vicious circle. Anyhoo.) So the waiter went to ask the owners if it was alright for the dog to come in but he didn't hear the word "guide" dog. The stupid ass waiter heard "gay" dog. Uh huh. And then the owners said no the dog couldn't come in because it was gay. Okay, all together now: what the fuckity fuck fuck? This is wrong on so many levels. Even if this was an actual homosexual canine who liked to get it on with members of the same sex, why would that be the reason the dog couldn't come in? They were going to persecute this dog because they thought it was gay? How stupid was the waiter to see a blind man and not know that it was a guide dog? Now if Elton John had sashayed into the restaurant wearing a frilly frock while holding a dildo and a big pink poodle, sure: gay dog. But a blind man with sunglasses, a cane and a dog with a handle on it? Gay dog? No, dumb ass. Guide dog.

The man left the restaurant and then presumably filed a complaint and blah blah blah. But when the owners were explaining the situation to the court, they said if they would have known it was a guide dog, it would have been fine. They just thought the dog was gay and that was why it wasn't welcome. I don't know these restaurant owners, but I pretty much hate them. They seem small minded, ignorant, rude and clueless. Basically, your typical restaurant owner/manager. They had to issue the blind dude an apology and pay him $1400 in compensation. And in Australia, $1400 buys a lot of Vegemite.

And in case you are wondering, Vegemite is is "a dark brown Australian food paste made from yeast extract. It is a spread for sandwiches, toast, crumpets and cracker biscuits and and filling for pastries." Thanks Wikipedia.

Grabby McGrab Grab

As servers, we have all been touched, grabbed, groped and fondled. It happened to me the other night when a lady grabbed my elbow as I breezed past her table. I guess she was so ready to order her cocktail, that her hand developed a mind of its own and flew out to my person and attached itself to me. I told her I would be right back to take her order, but what the grope did was effectively make her have to wait even longer to get her Pear Cosmo. Sometimes, we don't mind being groped but I find that it's only acceptable in certain situations and they usually involve drinking and/or being in a bar. I was perusing the internets the other day and came across a news item in Australia about a man who groped a waitress and they sent his grabby ass to jail for it.

The man was 63 years old and worked in the kitchen at some place called Whitebait. There's problem number one. Any restaurant named Whitebait is just asking for trouble. The waitress was only 15 years old which is another issue. Don't they have child labor laws down under, mate? G'day and all that but why the hell is a 15 year old waiting tables? I guess the man grabbed her ass and squeezed her 15 year old boobies and then tried to kiss her. Okay, gross. Listen, Pappaw if you want to make the skeezy moves on a younger woman, at least make sure it's a woman and not a little girl. And then he tries to blame the girl for acting in a "lustful, self-gratifying manner" and forcing him to act on the spur of the moment. What an antique douchebag. They sent him to jail for six months and in Australia, that's like two years because of the different time zones and every thing. And while in jail all he gets to eat is Vegemite sandwiches and shrimp that came from the barbie. And yes, my whole knowledge of everything "down under" is based on Men at Work songs and Crocodile Dundee.

The point is, we don't want to be grabbed (unless we are drinking). We don't want to be groped (unless we are drinking), demeaned (unless we are drinking), or hit upon (unless we are drinking). Customers who reach out and touch a server are looking for trouble and I just want to put it out there. If you grab a server you might just go to jail for a really long time. Or at the very least you will have to wait five extra minutes before I bring you your cocktail. So think about that the next time. Five minutes is a long long time when you are ready to be drinking. And once you start drinking, you will feel more comfortable in case you yourself are groped.