French Fries With a Side of Blood, Please

I have a love/hate relationship with Cracker Barrel. I love their cheesy hash browns but hate that they are a wee bit homophobic. As I have said before though, biscuits and gravy trumps gay rights and I give them my hard-earned dollars on occasion when I feel the need to clog my arteries. There is one particular Cracker Barrel that I will not be going to anytime soon. It's the one in Kingwood, Texas that recently served some french fries with a side of blood. Click here for the real story or just read my recap:

Basically, a lady ate half her order of fries before she noticed that some of them had red splatters on it. She called the waitress over to ask what it was, the waitress was like "Oh, my God, Oh my God" and took it to the kitchen. She came back and said that the cook had cut his hand and he got some blood on her french fries but he had a Band-Aid on it now, so it was all good. Lady freaked out. Cracker Barrel sent her an apology and a gift card for $100. Lady not satisfied and called the press.

Okay, what? Does Cracker Barrel think that this lady is going to satisfied with a lame ass $100 gift card? This is the United States of America, Cracker Barrel. You better dig a little deeper than that. This lady just ate some blood at your restaurant. That is the equivalent of a hitting the lottery. She is going to take your ass to court and get $2.2 million dollars, her own Cracker Barrel franchise, a rocking chair for every room of her home and a lifetime supply of Moon Pies. She wanted a blood test run on the cook but there was no legal reason to do it. Besides, the cook was probably too busy taking smoke breaks and not washing his hands to be bothered anyway. The disgusted diner said she was discussing the matter with a lawyer and her doctors. "I pray to God there's nothing wrong with me," she said. After that she rubbed her hands in front of her face while grinning and thinking about how she will finally be able to get that double wide trailer she has had her eye on for the last six years and also have enough money to go back to cosmetology school.

I must admit, bloody french fries are pretty nasty. No one who goes to Cracker Barrel really gives a shit about their health as evidenced by what's on the menu, but that doesn't mean they are cool with eating the blood of an undocumented food service worker. Cracker Barrel really dropped the ball on this one. By just sending the waitress back out with an "it's all good" they gave the impression that it didn't matter to them. This will be used as ammunition when she gets their ass to court. The manager should have made a huge deal about it, called 911 and got an ambulance in there so the lady thought that Cracker Barrel really cares about their customers. Instead, they sent her that lame ass gift card and a note: "Roses are red, violets are blue. You ate blood, too bad for you. xo, Cracker Barrel" They fucked up.

On the bright side, with the recent popularization of vampires due to Twilight and True Blood, Cracker Barrel can expect an uptick in sales due to the mass number of goth kids and Twihards who will come in and order french fries.

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