NFL Player Allegedly Fondles a Waitress

Sometimes it's fun to Google the word "restaurant" and see if anything good comes up that I can write about. Today when I did it, I came across a lot of articles about some football player who has been accused of sexual abuse because he allegedly slid his credit card into the bra of his waitress and while doing so, he allegedly touched her breast. Allegedly. Of course he entered a not guilty plea because no one would ever do that, right?

Albert Haynesworth is the defensive lineman for the Washington Redskins, which is allegedly a football team. I don't know exactly what a defensive lineman does, but I think he is the real big player who tries to keep the other team from scoring by tackling people. Everything I know about football came from my senior year in high school when I was the school mascot and eventually voted Most Spirited. So, yeah, that's what a defensive line man must do. Oh, and sometimes he grabs the tits of waitresses.

Now I wasn't at the W Hotel in February when this allegedly happened, but it seems very plausible. Seeing that I am not a lady, I have never been fondled by my customers. Despite my tight pants, keeping my shirt unbuttoned and putting my ass right in their face, no one ever takes me up on the offer. But I know it happens to waitresses all the time. After a few drinks, the guy gets a little grabby and flirty and maybe lets his hand linger a little longer than it should when he hands her his credit card. Allegedly, Albert "I'm Not Wearing Any" Haynes-underwear-worth slipped his credit card into her shirt and copped a feel. He probably did it like he was trying to help her:

Oh, baby, I see that your hands are full with those plates so I'm just gonna put this credit card in your pocket for you. That way, I can do you a favor, because I'm cool like that. Hey did you know I play for the NFL? Yeah, baby, I'm a superstar. So, here's my credit card. Whoa baby, your pants are so tight I don't know if I can get my big platinum credit card to fit in your tiny tight little pocket. I'll just slide it right here in your bra for you so it's close to your heart. You know I play for the NFL, right?

We can all see this happening, right? So she took his ass to court and he's pleading not guilty and in a couple of weeks it will probably all get settled out of court. The waitress will walk away with a few grand and he will leave with a clean record. Again, I was not there so I can't speak about the truth. All I am is a blogger who can make up shit from here to kingdom come and then click submit and let it out into the cyber world. I do know that this kind of thing happens to waitresses all the feakin' time and maybe this waitress was fed up. Or maybe she saw an opportunity to grab a piece of the money pie and he did absolutely nothing wrong. He already rejected a deal so he is absolutely standing behind his story that he is innocent. We'll see what happens with this one. But follow it up your own damn self, because honestly I don't give a shit about football players.

What about you, female servers? Have you been inappropriately touched while at work? What do you do if it happens? Let it go? Ignore it? Dump a pot of hot coffee in his crotch? Share your story.


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